The Colors to One's Soul
by purduepup
Summary: Inuyasha's a dimwitted womanizer and coffee-fanatic competing for the inheritance to his dad's corporation—yet he is losing, zero to gazillion against his rivals Kouga and Sesshoumaru. His ticket to victory? Kagome, a mega-hot artist with morals and issues. But as he spends more time trying to convince her to join their talent agency, he falls in love and learns life lessons. WTF?
1. A Stands for Asshole

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Inuyasha. But this baby? She's all mine… *evil grin*

**Claimer: **The shoot-three-bunnies stuff? That's me and _nightfalcon222_'s. Don't steal it. _Don't_…

**A/N: **Another story…YAY! *throws up at disgusting usage of the word "yay"* Anyways, it's me…_purduepup_…in case you couldn't read my name up there! :P I don't really have anything to say about this story except it's **Inu POV **and will not only be covering Inuyasha and Kagome's relationship, but Sess/Rin's, Mir/San's, and Kou/Aya's as well. **Everyone is human, too. **It also is just showing Kagome's mature, positive outlook on life—this story isn't showing the ACTUAL meaning of life and other things, but more like lessons that Inuyasha will learn from and take into consideration (not to mention make him considerably smarter). This story, despite it being humorous and poorly narrated (stupid Inuyasha!), should also be kind of deep, so look out for that! **WARNING: MATURE CONTENT AND EXTREME LANGUAGE AHEAD! **Because I have a strong urge to curse in this story…and I don't know why… o.o And Inuyasha's…_slow_, but it's important later on, so DEAL WITH IT! XP He'll also get off track a lot, but don't all not-bright people let their minds wander on useless topics? ;D

**Edit (5/18/13):** Oh my god, I said I would make everyone in this story human, and then I mentioned wolf girls in Kouga's clan. (What even -) I just fail so much at life right now. -.-' Well, I'll just reword it for those who noticed so that everyone remains human, alright?

_Summary: _Inuyasha is a slow-minded, careless, lazy, sex-obsessed, and extremely cocky not-college-student in a competition for the inheritance to his father's talent agency. In tow in the competition for running _Taisho, Inc._, is his perverted, monkish, not-to-be-trusted, right-hand man Miroku and his controlling, violent, yet caring best friend and left-hand woman Sango. Competing against him for the company is his stoic, even more cocky, elder half-brother Sesshoumaru and his also cocky, straightforward, yet show-off rival Kouga. During one of the challenges, Inuyasha and the others have to choose between three small businesses to support and help grow; they have to work with the client, since they will benefit them most throughout the competition. But when one of those three clients turns out to be Kagome, an aspiring artist and philosopher working at Higurashi Shrine _and _Inuyasha's ticket to winning _Taisho, Inc._, Inuyasha's life turns upside-down. He's supposed to be focusing on the competition, dammit, not learning life lessons, regaining his memory, and falling in love.

* * *

_**THE COLORS TO ONE'S SOUL**_

_**Lesson #1: "A" Stands for Asshole**_

* * *

IQ LEVEL:

extremely low.  
Like, _unbelievably _low.

* * *

"HOW COULD YOU?" Rebecca—Sally? Willa? Olly olly oxen free? Fuck, I wouldn't know, but she's making my damned ears bleed. "YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME!"

"WE JUST MET!" I scream back. Gods, what is she? Retarded? No, even worse—Paris Hilton?

_Please don't be Paris, please don't be Paris…_

Kami, last time I slept with a celebrity, things did not go well. As in, the _restraining orders _and _paparazzi _did not go well.

Fuck.

I can just imagine one of my meetings right now:

_"__Hello there, lawyers of stupid people! I'm Taisho motherfucking _Inuyasha_! Suck it—but not as badly as Betty did last night."_

… If that's her name.

Hells, I wouldn't know! You try to get a slut's fucking name right when you're trying to break your friend's record for "Most Times Banged in a Week". Which, by the way, is a horrible challenge since you can't even count multiple times with the same women, much less the same spot.

Damn you, Miroku.

What's-her-name sniffles a little on the other line, and I resist the incredibly strong urge to roll my eyes and commit suicide through the phone, because my beautiful mother has taught me better than that. Stupid girl. Hasn't she ever heard of a _one-night stand_? Besides, last time I checked, you could not "fall in love" with someone when you met them at a bar, banged them horribly last night, and then stole their cell number later that morning. What crazy bitch believes in that shit?

Feh, my point exactly.

We didn't do it at my place, thank Kami. Since revealing the location of my apartment has caused many problems in the past, I've been told by my multi-advisor that it would be best to stick with the woman's place. Besides, every time I bring the ladies home to me and my roommates' penthouse, I always make them scream so loud that I can't get away with sneaking them in anymore. My female roommate lectures me on the insensitivities of one-night stands—when, really, the women should know what they're signing up for when it happens—whereas my male roommate cheers me on from the shadows. I know he does, that damn pervert.

I'm on my way to work, and this woman will not stop calling me. I mean, _really_? In numerical order, the following happened: we banged at her place (because of my roommate and apartment issues), she woke up, she stole my goddamn_ number_, then she snuggled herself into me and fell back asleep. At least, that's how it probably went. Fuck, I wouldn't know. Anyways, _I _woke up, got dressed, and left 'cause that's what one-night stands _are_: fuck and runs. And what does said horrible-banger do? Call me on the number she _stole _and _cry_ about how we were supposed to be together "_forever"!_

"WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER!"

What did I tell ya?

"THAT'S IT! I'M GETTING MY BOYFRIEND'S ASS ON YOU!"

Whoa, _whoa. _Boyfriend? Ass? Honey, I'm not gay. I'm as straight as a gay dude's hard-on to myself, though. (Hells yeah, I went there.) Sorry, but I don't do anal _or_ threesomes.

Though men have tried…

"WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING ME?"

Many reasons. 1. You're crazy. 2. I'm driving, though that's really _not_ a good reason to _not _talk on your cell phone. 3. You're still wacky. 4. You're annoying the fucking shit out of me. 5. You're completely nuts. 6. My ears can't handle this much whining. 7. You're majorly batty. 8. You're not important. Oh, and 9. YOU'RE EFFIN' INSANE!

"THAT'S IT! I'M TRACKING YOU DOWN!"

I growl in frustration. You know, I could drive into the wrong lane in my nice, shiny, purple BMW convertible. Really. _Right now._ I wouldn't mind death over listening to this whiny bitch, either. "SEE YA, JENNA!" I yell before chucking my phone out the window. Wait, did I even get her name right?

Keh, doesn't matter.

I crank up the rap music on the radio, making beat box noises all the meanwhile since it's the only thing someone _can _do when listening to rap. I mean, how the fuck can someone sing along with these rappers? Not me, despite my total awesomeness. Hells, I can't even understand what they're _saying_.

_Yeah, girl, Imma buy you a diamond ring…_

Yup. Not hearing it.

_We gonna fall in love and get married…_

Uh, nope. Still eluding me.

_And we gonna have kids and be together FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND—_

I'm not listening. It's totally incomprehensible. Really.

_AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER—_

It's blurring out right now.

_**AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND—**_

Oh, fuck this!

I change the station only to hear the same song. I huff and mess around with the station changer again. And again. And again.

And once more.

WHY ISN'T IT CHANGING? Oh, right: CD. _Right, right, right…_ I press the _radio _button, and sure enough, I was just listening to a CD.

Huh. I didn't even know I _had _CDs.

Soon, the righteousness that is _Taisho, Inc. _comes into view. Ah. The absolute awesomeness of a talent-seeking agency conjoined with two dictionary and condom companies. Even more amazing?

_I get free shipments._

Oh, what now, bitches? _Jealous? _You better be. I don't go to the sex store; the sex store comes to _me._

I park my purplish-blue, bluish-purple baby in the gate, tossing my car keys to the valet. He looks at me for a moment before shrugging and popping into the vehicle. I momentarily note how crappy his clothes are—has the idiot never heard of _style?_—before he zips away.

Okay. I didn't just think that.

_I do not remind me of my mother, I do not remind me of my mother—_

Shit, I'm taking after Mom.

I walk into the building, not bothering to smooth out the jeans my mother bought me last week or the nice dress shirt my brother's mother gave me for Christmas seven months ago. Because they love me _and _enjoy emptying my father's wallet (though Sess's mom really shouldn't have access to it).

_No,_ they're not trophy wives, even if one's an ex! How _dare _you—

Wait—"brother from another mother". Hehe… I'm awesome…

"Mr. Taisho?" Well, hello there, sexy secretary. New around here? "Your father and brother are waiting in the office." Oh, that's a nice skirt you have. "Mr. Taisho?" Maybe excusing ourselves for five minutes wouldn't hurt— "MR. TAISHO!"

I knock out of _We're Banging in My Dreams _Land. Wait, when did I get into the office's _main _office? I look at Sexy Secretary for help, but she merely stares at me before giving a soft shake of the shoulders, her blond and probably American curls bouncing with every movement. And that's not the only thing bouncing…

There're also her earrings.

You were thinking something else. I know you were. Who do you think I am? _Miroku?_

Absolutely freakin' disgusting.

I head through the halls Mom designed, forcing myself to look for changes. Kami knows I'll go through all eight hells and back if I don't notice that she added a new flower or repainted the walls or added furniture or—damn it all—_gave me a nameplate._

Yes, I always _was _her favorite.

Suck it, Sesshoumaru.

Actually, I'd rather he not do that. What's-her-name's handwork is bad enough as it is.

I head into the elevator, whistling as the doors slide closed. Then I wonder what the secretary said. Something about Dad and earlier mentioned jackass? All I remember hearing was _"whomp-uh, whomp-uh, whomp-uh, whomp…"_

Can you blame me? Really. She was _hot._

For some reason, I like being in the elevator. With my luck, I'm either all alone with no morons to annoy the shit out of me or I have a nice piece of ass nearby. Then again, I guess condom companies are all about getting lucky.

Ha! Clever, right?

The door opens and exposes a floor, but I forget which button I pressed… Oh, well. I guess I must be on the right floor—see? Awesomeness—'cause Miroku, my partner-in-crime (or in talent-seeking and condom-making), comes to greet me. "Inuyasha, my man!" he says before pounding my fist. You know: the _knuckle touch. _Insert explosion here. "Last night was pretty crazy, eh?" Noticing my wrinkled—yet still sexy, because it's impossible for me _not _to be—nose, he says, "What?"

"Last night's _bitch _was crazy, that's what," I tell him honestly. 'Cause it's true—you and I both know it, and so does my poorly treated dick. Gods, she doesn't know how to fuck—_at all_. "So, uh… What's goin' on?"

Miroku just stares at me for a moment. And I mean, he _stares. _And then laughs, "You met the new secretary, didn't you?"

"Feh." Because that's all there is to say.

He smirks. "You've always been the womanizer."

"Fuck yeah."

"Very observant as well," he comments smoothly. I narrow my eyes, trying to see if he's insulting me or not, if there's hidden sarcasm within that seemingly innocent voice. He and his never-will-be-his bitch Sango do that a ton (though Sango's nice about it, if possible). But I just shrug in the end. Feh, trying to figure them out is a waste of my time. Now, hot chicks and ramen…

I'll give them all the time in the world.

… If that's how the saying goes.

Hells, even if it _didn't_, I'd make it that way, 'cause I'm Taisho motherfucking_ Inuyasha_!

Bitch got served.

"Keh, where's Sango?" I demand, not wanting him to revel in victory if he really _was _insulting me. Bastard, getting away with what he wants. _I _get away with what I want it, dammit.

And no one can measure up to me, obviously.

Idiots.

"She's getting your coffee right now," Miroku insists with a charming smile. I glare at him. I can never really tell when he's truly being nice or when he's secretly out to get me. _Never. _This is why I can't trust a guy like Miroku. I just can't. You'd think since we've been best friends for eighteen years—nine years ago being the beginning of middle school—that I'd have total faith in him.

I don't.

Sango, on the other hand, despite being totally violent and beating our asses daily, is trustworthy. Not a trickster, but a friend.

At my never-will-be wedding, she'd be the best man. _That's_ how much I don't trust Miroku.

She joined Miroku and I in friendship during middle school, when Miroku decided she'd be his latest victim of grope. Sango kept him in line, though, and she does me, though I never hit on her—ever. That's like kissing your sister.

Incest? No thanks.

Sango's pretty _much _my sister; I ran away from home once and stayed at her house (since Miroku is not to be trusted). I swear, I became a permanent part of the Taijiya family that month until my mom finally called and apologized for letting me catch her and my father in their bedroom, putting Pops's latest _product_ "to work".

AKA, they tested out the newest fucking condom.

_Yeah_, that was a good enough reason to live away from my parents for a month! Could _you _live with that shit?

Eck.

* * *

_This commercial break is  
brought to you by the color __**BLACK**__, _  
_which stands for the following:_

Power, sexuality, sophistication, formality,  
elegance, wealth, mystery, fear, evil,  
anonymity, unhappiness, depth, style, EVIL,  
sadness, remorse, anger, underground,  
good technical color, mourning, and death.

_**BLACK **__is not for everyone.  
Please consult your doctor before use.  
__See if __**BLACK **__is right for you today!_

_Onward, and back to the story!_

* * *

I never went to high school with Sango and Miroku. I don't remember why. I think the old man wanted me to start learning the family business—or at least his side of it, since his ex-wife runs the dictionary side; he makes the condoms and they both run the talent agency—but I think my mom pulled me out. I haven't gone to college, either. You'd think they'd make me go to school and all that shit, but all I have to do is stand around, be totally_ fucking AWESOME, _and people let me be. Honestly, just having the Taisho name has been enough to get me by in the world, maxing out whatever cards my mother gives me and mooching off my father's money. He never objects, so there's nothing wrong with it. Honestly, I'm only gonna start paying for my own crap when I take over _Taisho, Inc_. Sango's my will-be assistant. It's already been decided. Miroku? That asswipe's gonna be janitor.

Creative? I know.

Just kidding, though, which sucks, 'cause I'd do anything to make Miroku a stupid janitor. No—that asshole Kouga's gonna be my cleaning man. It's official. When I win this competition, Kouga's not gonna be vice president; he's going to be cleaning my cum from the floor after I fuck every damned bitch in his family.

Evil? Completely. Heartless? Kinda. Totally worth it?

FUCK YES.

Anything to wipe that cocky smirk off the litter box he calls his face.

I could make my bastard of a brother janitor, I know, but I have the feeling daddy dearest will go against my wishes and insist that Sesshoumaru be my right-hand man.

My opinion?

I trust _Miroku _more than _Sesshoumaru._

Enough said.

No, but Sango's insisted that _Miroku _not be janitor, since that apparently wouldn't impress my Pops any. Me, on the other hand—I think it's rather impressive to just look Miroku's way without killing him on the spot.

I repeat: Enough said.

Miroku's going to be my vice president if Fluffy Ass doesn't beat him to it. If that happens, he'll be my advisor…or something else CEOs need… What else would I need? Shit.

I dunno.

Gods-dammit.

As if on cue, my best (wo)man comes in with my coffee. _Yes. _I need my fucking coffee in the morning after a good round of sex.

I need it even more when the sex was bad.

I notice Sango carrying two mugs, though, and since they don't drink coffee…

Best man: chosen. Congrats, Sango.

She hands it over and I relish at the sight of the, uh, blackness of it. _Mmmm… _Remind me to promote Sango from assistant to personal assistant.

… If there's a difference.

"Good morning, Inuyasha," she sings. I merely make a _mmm _noise. She raises a brown eyebrow. "You have no clue what we're doing today, do you?"

_Mmmm… COFFEE…_

"Let me guess: bad sex last night?"

I blink. "How'd you know?"

Miroku shakes his head at me. "That eager to win the bet, huh?"

_Mmmm…_

Sango's magenta eyes narrow. "What bet, pervert?"

_So good…_

Miroku breaks into a sweat. "Well, Sango, um…"

_COFFEE!_

He lowers his voice as he whispers, "Inuyasha, help me out here!"

_It's so luscious…_

"Inuyasha?"

_Coffee…_

"INUYASHA!"

"HOLY _SHIT_!" It's not until after I jump that I hear the deadly breaking of a dish. I look around for the noise to see a broken coffee mug. I gape.

Pff, what idiot dropped their mug?

We need to fire this asshole for staining the carpet, not to mention wasting all that poor coffee. Really. Let's shove him off Tokyo Tower, drown him in the Pacific, chop off his—

"Inuyasha!" Sango huffs. I whip around to face her. "Why'd the hell did you drop your coffee?"

"Shit, that's _mine_?" I'm the idiot who dropped their mug? _I_ was threatening my amazingly awesome self?

_I_ was _holding_ a _mug_?

Holy—

"Miroku, stop it," Sango demands, glaring at the laughing-on-the-floor semi-friend of ours. I don't get the humor in this situation. When Sango's pissed, nothing's funny.

I mean, it's not even shoot-three-bunnies funny.

Oh, fuck, who'd find shooting three bunnies funny?

Those sick bastards!

"You know he's not sharp!" she goes on, looking ready to jump on and strangle him.

"Who's not sharp?"

It's kind of quiet after that. Sango gazes at me with an emotion I'm not sure I'm comfortable with and Miroku stares at us for a while before laughing again and making Sango scream her lungs out.

Now I'm mad.

_WHO'S NOT SHARP?_

Whoever they are, I'm _sharper_. I know my alphabet, bitches.

_A _stands for _asshole_, _B _stands for _bastard_, _C _stands for _cunt_, _D _stands for _dick_, and _F _stands for—

Shit, where's the _E_?

She sighs after yelling, giving me that look with that emotion again. I frown, and she forces a smile. "Well, c'mon, Inuyasha and perverted company."

"Sango!" Miroku whines, and I roll my eyes. Gods, what an asshole. Can't he catch on to anything at all? _Sango plus Miroku does not equal LOVE._

Keh. Love don't exist anyways.

Wait, I can do math?

Sango gives me my other mug, putting herself between Miroku and I. I'm usually in the middle to avoid grope from happening to her, but since she's shooting death glares at Miroku, I think he'll back off today.

"So," I say, treasuring every moment I have with this coffee mug. "What's going on today?"

Miroku stares again. And it annoys the hell out of me. But he keeps staring. Then when I'm ready to rip his head off?

He laughs.

* * *

**A/N: **And that was my new story, _The Colors to One's Soul_. My beta reader is **nightfalcon222**—she tells me whether the chapter sucks or not (which she always says it rocks, but still). :P Check out her story, "Lives Will Change"! :D I also won't update this often (it's hard to get into character), but I'm gonna try; it all depends on how many reviews I get! ^.^

Next chapter? _Lesson #2: "Kitties Play Hard-to-Get". _I'll let you wonder on who that chapter will be based upon… XD

Please, **REVIEW **and tell me what you thought! :D


	2. Kitties Play Hard to Get

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Inuyasha, but this fanfic is mine.

**A/N: **This chapter came quicker than expected; I have five other stories to work on, so I won't be able to update this often. It'll probably be about three times a month—I usually update in eight to fifteen days for stories such as this. Thank _PeaceIsAwesome_ for the early update; but, at the same time, I make no guarantees that the next chapter will come out so speedily, okay? Now, enjoy it…and remember that Inuyasha will eventually stop being such a retarded asshole, okay? :P Also, I wanted to say that there will **3rd Person POV **sections every once in a while to show how Mir/San, Sess/Rin, and Kou/Aya are doing. Okay? Now let's see what Inuyasha has in store for us this chapter! :D

_Summary:_ Inuyasha is a slow-minded, careless, lazy, sex-obsessed, and extremely cocky college student in a competition for the inheritance to his father's talent agency. In tow in the competition for running _Taisho, Inc._, is his perverted, monkish, right-hand man Miroku and his controlling, violent, left-hand woman Sango. Competing against him for the company is his stoic, even more cocky, elder half-brother Sesshoumaru and his also cocky, straightforward, yet show-off rival Kouga. During one of the challenges, Inuyasha and the others have to choose between three small businesses to support and help grow; they have to work with the client, since they will benefit them most throughout the competition. But when one of those three clients turns out to be Kagome, an aspiring artist and philosopher _and _Inuyasha's ticket to winning _Taisho, Inc._, Inuyasha's life turns upside-down. He's supposed to be focusing on the competition, dammit, not learning life lessons and falling in love.

* * *

_**THE COLORS TO ONE'S SOUL**_

_**Lesson #2: Kitties Play Hard-to-Get**_

* * *

IQ LEVEL:

still extremely, unbelievably low.  
(Really; it won't change anytime soon.  
Don't expect it to, or you'll end up Emo.)

* * *

"Enjoying your coffee, Inuyasha?"

I frown at the Asshole of all Assholes who beats King Asshole of the Land of Assholes. Dammit. I still don't know what the fuck's going on. NO ONE FUCKING TELLS ME _ANYTHING! _I swear, it's like coming to a filming thing and no one telling you how to play your roll. It's pissing me off _that _much. Is it really _that_ hard to tell me what we're doing? Really, is it? If so, I'll hire a fucking tutor just so _you _can fucking understand _my _language.

I shout back, "MY COFFEE'S FUCKING AWESOME, SCREW YOU FOR ASKING!"

Actually, I'd rather not fuck my brother. Incest does _not _equal good publi-town.

Or is it publi-city?

Hold on, is there even a fucking _dash_ in there?

Keh, I'll go find a dictionary. Bound to be one of those damned books in a part-dictionary company…thingamajigger. Thingy… Thing… Majig… Jigger? Nig—

NO, NOT THAT WORD!

But back to the coffee. _The damned good coffee… _I could _fuck _this coffee. That's how fucking delicious it is. Damn it all, I could _marry_ this coffee. 'Course, that'd make Sango not only my best man and non-related sister, but my sort-of mother, too, since she created the coffee. And Miroku could be the priest, even though he's nowhere near holy.

… If that's possible.

And it is. Sango's one hell of a coffee-maker. But what do they call coffee-makers…?

"Sango," I begin, "what the fuck are— _OWWWWWW!_"

Did that bitch just slap me?

_Really?_

"No cursing," she tells me like a mother would their damned child. I mean, _really, _Sango? Really. Really?

I rub the sore spot on my cheek while Miroku laughs in the background. Honestly, at this point, I wouldn't mind shoving him out of a window. I'm sure OJ Simpson would help me cover it up, too.

Ho-ho! Clever, right?

Keh, I'm awesome.

I ask Sango, "What're coffee-makers called?" She looks at me for a moment before crossing her eyes. I laugh 'cause, let's face it, people crossing their eyes? Fucking _hilarious. _Really. That shit is _priceless_. There should be a _movie_ about it.

You know, like there should be a movie about _me_.

Someone got told.

An annoyed sigh grabs my attention, though I'd rather block it out than reply to it. "Can we begin now, or will I have to call Nurse Kaede to take care of your ass again?"

Damned Sesshoumaru.

"Kami, Fluffy, will you fess up or not?" I snap, making sure to murder him with my eyes. The only good thing about this is I'm in My Chair; Kouga didn't take it again like he has the last three fucking meetings we've had. My Chair is a chair that's mine. Literally. Mine as in, it's inherited my awesomeness, and one day, it's gonna take over the entire world and have female chairs to fuck every day. It's freaking awesome 'cause I sit in it every time I come in here. Or, I at least try to. Which, I now am, so…

Fuck _you, _Kouga!

Actually, never mind. I'll leave that to STD-booked whores.

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Bitch got _served._

We've been sitting in this fucking room for five hours and I still don't know what in the hells is going on. This is getting pathetic. In fact, it's _so _pathetic, I bet I can get my kickass lawyer on this case and sue Sesshoumaru for being pathetic and annoying me for not answering a simple gods-damned question.

Even though my lawyer's an asshole I'd much rather sue for annoying me.

_Naraku_. What an _asshole_.

He'd be that conniving bastard who makes everyone do his dirty work for him in an anime. He'd be the villain everyone fucking _despises _because he's such an asshole. Of course, in the anime, I'd be the awesome-to-god hero with a foreign chick in love with him, and of course, I'd have at least two women fighting over me, and Sango would be that badass chick with badass skills while Miroku would be that pervert no one takes seriously but I wanna kill, but can't 'cause I need him around for some reason. And, of course, who would forget dear ol' Kouga and Sesshoumaru? Keh, those idiots would be called _irritating_ and _girly_. They'd be the bad guys of the series until we had to team up against the biggest asshole of them all, Naraku, and then we'd go our separate ways. Of course, I'd make sure to steal Kouga's woman and cut off Fluffy's arm or something. I'll make their lives living _hells._

Especially Sesshoumaru. I'd kill Sesshoumaru in this fucking anime, and everyone will like it.

Feh. That's just how life works.

"WHY THE FUCK ARE WE IN HERE?" I scream only to have Sango slap me again. I mean, _ouch. _Am I in fucking trouble for dreaming of an anime where I'm red-clad awesome?

Red-clad. What in the eighth hell does _that _mean?

Keh, don't matter. I'll _make _it mean something.

Miroku laughs some more at my pain until Sango grabs the stapler from my dad's desk and throws it at him. He yells when it hits his chest dead-on, and the noise is so loud, I jump in my seat. It's only when I hear a loud breaking noise nearby that I realize my mug's gone missing again.

Buddha, where does the fucking thing always disappear to…?

"GOD DAMMIT!" Sango shouts, and I blink. I could've _sworn_ I was being lectured just a moment ago on how I shouldn't curse…

Feh. Must be imagining things.

Though the pain in my face says otherwise…

She calls for someone named Nazuna to get her ass here and get rid of some retard's mistake, and in comes some chick I think I've seen before. She's hot, I'll give her that, but I'd probably fuck her once, unlike the receptionist, who I'd do three times before letting go. She cleans up a broken coffee mug—seriously, some idiot's dropping and wasting all this coffee; we should sue him and kill him in his sleep with a tube sock—while glaring at me.

Wait, the bitch is _glaring _at me?

_What the fuck did I do?_

Miroku whispers from my right, "You didn't call her back, did you?"

I give him a weird look. "Why in the hells should I?"

"YOU ASSHOLE!"

I'm slapped again. But this time, it's by Psycho-lady Cleaning-bitch. And it's then that I get the nagging suspicion that maybe—just maybe—I slept with her before, and did it once, and she wanted more, and I turned her down…

Though I think her side of the story may be much, _much _more different…

Keh, I can't blame her for wanting more. The ladies _always _want more.

When Kouga enters the room with his two dumbass cronies Ginta and Hakkaku right behind him, I sneer and he returns it as Nazu-zu leaves, still looking mad. Kouga thinks he's hot-shit. Truth is, news flash: _I'M_ the shit! And his little two wonders trailing along? Keh, pointless. They literally have no purpose whatsoever in this competition; they're about as senseless as Miroku—they're _that_ useless. All they do is bicker, argue, and get hurt, which is fucking hilarious, but pointless—so fucking _pointless_.

At that, they have horrible hair. My hairstylist may be one obsessed bitch and made me put in my will that she could have my hair after I died, but she's a damn good stylist—I mean, how else does my hair look drop-dead sexy? (Let's face it; a _rock _could fall in love with my hair.) At this point, the boys need any help they can get; they really do.

That's why I'll offer them Yura's card.

… Though they may need more help once they're done with her.

Kami knows what damage she's done to me.

Well, now that I think about it, I'll keep the card to myself and make the idiots look bad. Feh, if they look bad, they'll make Kouga look bad, and if they all look bad, then I'll look better. Understood?

It's as easy as the ABCs, people.

Meanwhile, Sesshoumaru has a weird-looking dude named Jaken and people sharing the same body—it's a birth defect, I think—called Ah and Un by his side. Jaken's fugly and Ah and Un are just a little bit less fugly, but still fugly. Jaken's annoying and thinks Sesshoumaru is actually worthy of compliments and Ah and Un just follow every command and stay silent the entire time. I mean, Do you know how awkward it is to eat a jelly doughnut with a two-headed body staring at you, never speaking but just watching _as _you _ate_?

IT'S PRETTY FUCKING AWKWARD.

Weirdest groups of people _ever_. Seriously. There is no exaggerating when it comes to this matter. This is a _serious _matter, their nuttiness and idiosyncrasy. (I don't know what that word is, but Sess's mom used it once, and I thought I'd steal it. Of course, I'll have to pray that she didn't copyright it to avoid possible infringement, but that's not the point.)

Keh, who cares if I got Sango, the kick-boxer and feminist with a house full of boomerangs? Who cares if I got Miroku, a religious pervert with a knack for black circles? They're not out of the ordinary. _You're _out of the ordinary.

Freak.

"Okay, men—" Insert Sango's glare here. "—and woman. Let's get to work."

Wait, when the fuck did my dad get here?

Anyone willing to share? You know, any info anytime soon would be nice. Seriously, I will sue you if I'm not filled in on our complicated situation this instant. And no, don't tell me the _Titanic_ sunk. They showed that on the news yesterday.

… At least, I _think _it was the news…

Sango mutters to herself, "'Bout time. Almighty Taisho was five minutes late."

Whoa, whoa. So we _weren't _here for five hours?

Fuck, am I impatient.

Err, fuck, is he slow or what?

I mean…

_Feh_. I give up. Yep, that's right; _the _Inuyasha is throwing in the towel on that battle.

My dad rambles on and on about something, but I kinda don't care, so I try to create my dream woman in my mind. Lots of curves, skin luscious enough to eat in a sexual, non-violent way…

"Inuyasha."

Long, silky hair, perfect for grabbing and pulling on…

"Inuyasha…"

Eyes that'd make even _Eye-Row-bow _jealous… or is it _I-Robot_…?

_"Inuyasha…!"_

And most of all, she'd be fucking wild and sexy in bed, always begging for—

"INUYASHA!"

Gods-dammit. Way to ruin a sexual fantasy, daddy dearest. Do you _want _me to get blue balls, you sick-fuck? Because, honestly, I now have a hard-on because you allowed me to dream—

Wait. _Why _am I pissed off with him?

"Stop drooling!" Dad goes on, ignoring the snickers of everyone around us. I wipe it away 'cause, apparently, I was drooling. How _does_ this shit _happen_?

Oh, right. Damned drool wizards.

At least, that's what Miroku said was what made me drool.

_Wait a second…_

Did he make that up? Shit. Please tell me ramen fairies are real… _Please _tell me Kouga and Miroku did _not _make _that_ shit up…

Oh, Dad's talking about the competition. At least, I think he is. Everyone has that look like they can't believe I wasn't listening, and Sango just slapped me while Kouga and Miroku laugh, Dad frowns, and Sesshoumaru is just…

Damn. There's no _word_ for him. He just stays there, acting all _Sesshoumaru_.

It's enough to make me wanna punch him.

But I'd like coffee more right now.

Which reminds me, _who's _that idiot who keeps dropping his fucking mug? Seriously; I'm sick of mourning for all that good coffee. It did nothing to you, dammit, besides taste good and possibly burn your tongue! That fucking coffee will be not be the World War II Jews of the modern-day world!

_Coffee, live on!_

Oh, fuck, I did _not _just go on about coffee and Jewish people.

Wait, what's World War II? _Why the fuck _did I think _that_?

COCKBLOCKER.

Oh, crap, I should explain this competition going on with my dad, shouldn't I?

(Actually, I should've done that shit earlier… Fuck, I blame Miroku.)

My dad, _the _Inutaisho, made the competition. I have no clue why, but it exists, and Kouga, Sesshoumaru, and I are participating. I don't know how the contestants were selected, either; Sango made me join the damn thing when she told me how powerful I'd be and Miroku added to that, showing me the stats for how many times I could get laid in a day if I became CEO of Dad's condom company, and once I inherited the company, I'd work with Sess's mom on the talent agency. And let's face it, that's a pretty good deal.

Every so often, we're given challenges that involve both businesses and are hard to accomplish. I wouldn't know, though, 'cause I make Sango and Miroku do them while I focus on watching American television. Anyways, Dad judges who did the best for each and shows the most "potential", then that person gets a starred pen on their desk. Oh, and we have desks where we can work: complete with a nameplate and everything. But we have cup holders for the pens, and…

I've just realized my cup is about empty.

OH MY FUCKING COFFEE.

_How _is that _possible_? I'm fucking _Inuyasha, _not a failure, dammit! I deserve pens!

I listen good and hard this time, eager to win as many pens as possible before the competition comes to an end. It's been on for around a year, so who knows when the old man will finally—

"This will be your last challenge."

OH MY FUCKING COFFEE x2.

_WHY, _YOU FUCKING BASTARDS, _WHY?_

Dad's a horrible mind reader; the jerk's not even taking note of my panic, whereas Sango's noticed and is currently patting my hand for comfort. Miroku, as if reading my mind, chuckles under his breath, enjoying my sudden sadness and denial and realization of doom.

_How _is this _possible_? I'm Inuyasha. There's no denying that. But Inuyasha's fucking _awesome. _He never fails—never. So what does this make me? An epic-fail clone of the original Inuyasha? If so, get Inuyasha's ass down here so I can out-awesome him!

This is some fucked-up shit, clones and whatnot. And I mean, _really_ fucked-up. More than _Kill Bill _fucked-up.

"This challenge will not only be your last, but it will also be your longest and most challenging challenge yet."

_Challenging challenge… _Hm… _Hm… HM…_

"In this challenge—"

ENOUGH OF THAT WORD! Use your ex-wife's fucking dictionary to find a cinnamon!

Or is it synonym…? Keh, cinnamon makes more sense.

"—you are to choose a client out of three. They are all talented in their own ways, and you are to try to make offers with them to join the agency. Now, they will be hard to work with, and will repeatedly turn down your offers until you eventually win them over and make them one they can't resist. They're stubborn and their own beings, so they won't fall easily for our usual tricks, but that's the point of this whole challenge: to evolve people skills—which you all lack—"

I resent that.

"—and learn what it truly means to relate to and understand a client. Now, I have all their folders here, so I will be giving a presentation of each. After giving a presentation, I will lay down their folders on the desk, and you are to reach the one you want most quickly." Kouga groans, I stare, and Sesshoumaru…

Yeah, let's just ignore him, okay?

The first one is a chick with red pigtails who wants to be a fashion designer. Apparently, her clothing's getting pretty hot around southern Tokyo, and she has numerous models across the city. Of course, I'm sure her lines would be better with a handsome individual such as myself, but I have the feeling I'd get bored with her. That's why I zone out for most of the presentation, along with Kouga, though Miroku and Sango fake interest—or are actually interested; I wouldn't be able to tell the difference—and Sesshoumaru…

Seriously, we _are _going to start skipping him.

The next is a black-haired chick with a side ponytail. She looks young, probably just exiting high school, and she's a musician currently popular in central Tokyo, playing on the streets, parks, and subways. She's an orphan and, well, that's all I gathered until I got bored. And, surprisingly, I can report that Sesshoumaru…

Still isn't showing any signs of life. Huh. Guess there _is _nothing to report.

And last, but not least, _she _appears. _She _as in, the bitch I'd been daydreaming about a few moments ago. She's right there, on screen, before my eyes, and I could faint at the sight of her. Miroku's eyes widen, as does everyone else's, and Sango lets out a gasp while my dad assures them they haven't seen this woman before.

Don't know why they're freaking out, but this _Higurashi Kagome _chick is HOT, like, with _all_ _capitals_. I don't even go over her personal information as my eyes eat her body off the page, not believing how my dream woman is real, how sexy she looks with tight, revealing, yet comfortable clothing covered in paint with an innocent yet alluring face that only a vixen could have. The pale blue eyes with chest-length raven, wavy hair and a figure that can beat any supermodels any day?

It's official: I'm gonna tap that.

And, apparently, when the slide ends, so is Kouga as he races for her file. Luckily, though, the idiot grabs the wrong one—the one closest to him—and I grab the middle. I don't even get to open it before Sesshoumaru rips it from my grasp with a glare, an emotion of some sort, and plopping the one closest to me on my lap instead. I blink for a moment, wondering exactly why the fuck he did that.

Kouga's cries of frustration, Sesshoumaru's smirk of satisfaction, and my realization all appear at once. 'Cause Kouga's got the redhead, Sess has got Ponytail Girl, and me?

I've got Higurashi-Angel-Kagome.

* * *

_This commercial break is  
brought to you by the color **ORANGE**,  
which stands for the following:_

Energy, balance, warmth,  
enthusiasm, vibrant, expansive,  
flamboyant, demanding of attention.

**_ORANGE _**_is not for everyone.  
Please consult your doctor before use.  
See if **ORANGE **is right for you today!_

_Onward, and back to the story!_

* * *

We go the local bar in Sango's car to celebrate. Well, Miroku and Sango and I do. It's packed, but of course, that's cleared out of the way for Taisho motherfucking _Inuyasha. _I don't know exactly what happens, but I remember specifically Miroku's whoops, my flirting, and Sango's nagging. At some point, I think Sango hit Miroku with a beer bottle for groping her, and everyone paid her a thousand yen to do it again. At another point, I think Miroku saw twins and made a wager that I sleep with both in the same night, but I turned it down and told him I had to go find my dream girl. He gave me a weird look at that, but didn't object.

I tripped over his body after the second beer bottle to the head, and Sango steadied me before saying she'd drive me home. I told her fuck no, I had my own transportation. She asked if I was going to call someone to bring me my car. I told her I left it at work today. She then told me she didn't see my car in the lot, and that Miroku kept wondering where his car was, and she said that he said that he lent it to me the night before. I told her to keep to her own business. For a split second, she almost punched me, but then Miroku stumbled forward and groped her.

I wondered awhile what the whole deal with Miroku's car was before realizing I didn't care.

And now, at nine-o-somethin', I'm going to this Higurashi Shrine place to meet Sexy Woman of My Dreams. I stumble up the stairs a little, but that's okay, 'cause I'm motherfucking _Inuyasha! _But I guess even _Inuyasha_ has to deal with a few face plants to the cement steps of a Shinto shrine-thingy. It's dark outside, I know, but maybe if I just drug Kagome a _wee_ bit, just a _teensy tiny_ bit, she'll fall in love with me and we'll have sex and make love for the rest of our lives…

Ugh, wait—girls have cooties. How can I forget this? Doctor Suikoutsu would be _so _mad if I came into his office with a bad case of cooties—no shit. He'd ship me off to Cuba or somewhere else close to Russia.

No, I didn't drink.

Yes, I'm drunk.

I remember that sometime at the bar, Sango said if Miroku and I kept drinking, we'd kill our last brain cells, which according to her, never grow back, even though the thought of something growing inside of me sounds pretty nasty to begin with.

I don't know what in the hells she meant, but I raised a shot to it.

I think that's when she hit _me _in the head with a beer bottle.

And now I've walked all the way to this shrine to see _my _girl. I see her at the top, and by gods, I never expected her to be so unreal in real life. She's just so amazing…!

I could cry.

_Boo. Boo-hoo. Boo._

Keh, yeah, right. Cryin's for pansies.

And pussies.

_Mmm… Pussies…_

Speaking of pussies, this kitty's playing Hard-to-Get.

_Meow._

I mean, _roar!_

I hugged Kagome, but then she shoved me off, yet I came back and hugged her once more, whispering how sexy she is in those tight clothes and how I'd make her happy in every way possible.

I don't think she liked this, 'cause she then pushed me back—again—though I don't keep my ground. Keh, I'm not weak; bitch is just stronger than she looks.

Now I'm stumbling down the stairs, which fucking hurts, but when I hit the middle and see her expression, I know she won't push me away for long. But I have to admit, this really _does_ fucking hurt, especially when I hit the bottom and can't feel my right leg or left arm and my chest is hurting like hell. She comes down, and for the first time, I hear her voice.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, rapist!"

…

Rapist…?

"RAPIST?" I rasp, only to choke on air. I don't think I wanted our first meeting to go this way. You know, _at all. _"I'm not a rapist. Taka…Inu… KAMI MOTHERFUCKING BUDDHA, THAT HURTS!"

"SORRY!" she cries with the most beautiful expression, like she feels for me, you know? It's different than that expression that Sango gives me, but I still can't find a name for it. All I know is that she's here right now, and my vision's too blurry to even get a good picture of her.

Dammit, this sucks.

"Hate alcohol," I groan, trying to lift my left arm to rub my head, but unfortunately, it hurts even more that way. Mental note: Don't lift left arm. Mental Note 2: Don't drink ever, _ever _again. "'Gome…"

That's all I manage to get out before I go to sleep. My last thought?

_Damn, I could use some coffee._

* * *

**A/N: **Okay, the ending sucked ass, but I'm tired and wanna go to bed! DX (Quite literally; it's 4 in the morning. -.-) I know this chapter was weak and I should've made it better, but I didn't know how to, so… Please, tell me what you think! :D Also, what's coming next? _Lesson #3: "Be Nice to Your Doctor"_. Thanks for reading! ^.^ *finally falls asleep on keyboard*


	3. Be Nice to Your Doctor

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Inuyasha, but I own this fanfic. Obviously.

**A/N: **My beta-reader is leaving for the woods—stupid bitch XP—so I decided to post a third chapter just for her, thus thank nightfalcon222 and check out her amazing stories. Also, this chapter will introduce 3rd Person Omniscient POV and we also get to see Kagome in not a drunken perspective, but a hung-over point of view (thus Inuyasha will be less funny because, let's face it, hangovers AREN'T FUN). Amazing change there, am I right? :P

* * *

_**THE COLORS TO ONE'S SOUL**_

_**Lesson #3: Be Nice to Your Doctor**_

* * *

IQ LEVEL:

why do you even wonder anymore?  
Keh, it ain't changin' anytime soon.

Idiot.

* * *

_**(3rd Person POV)**_

Higurashi Kagome couldn't help nibbling on her fingernails as the people in white around her scurried by with stretchers, clipboards, or unimportant things like coffee and jelly doughnuts. Her feet unconsciously tapped against the floor as her eyes darted around the waiting room guiltily. She really didn't mean to push the rapist down the shrine stairs—_really! _And worst of all, after she realized he was drunk and totally shocked when she used the word "rapist", she ruffled through the unconscious man's clothing until she came across a wallet. She didn't see a cell phone in there, and when she saw his identity, she was totally baffled as to why he _wouldn't _carry a cell phone.

She knocked out Takahashi Inuyasha, her assigned agent, with a single push.

The previous week, her friend Nekomura Kirara who worked as secretary for _Taisho, Inc. _had called Kagome to inform her that she would soon be a key part in the famous competition going around Tokyo. Of course, Kagome didn't believe the blond at first, but then Takahashi Inuyasha showed up, hit on her, and she unintentionally shoved him down the stairs. It was just a good thing she hadn't erased the company from the shrine's caller ID!

Kirara picked up and said she'd contact his friends and assistants Houshi Miroku and Taijiya Sango, the latter being a trusted friend of Kirara's. Now Kagome just had to wait at this hospital for them to show up, for the doctors to come out and say they could enter the unconscious Inuyasha's room, and apologize to said _Taisho, Inc. _heir. The guilt was eating away at the young artist so much, she just now remembered that she forgot to dispose of the paint she was using to renovate the shrine gates when a certain drunk agent appeared around midnight…

_"__YOU PERVERT!"_

"_Dearest!_ I apologize!"

"Apologize, my _butt_!"

_"__SANGO!"_

Kagome perked up at the name _Sango_ to see a woman slightly taller than her with a chestnut ponytail and magenta eyes storm her way over to her, her teeth clenched as a man her height with a black rat's tail and indigo eyes followed behind her. The two's arguing stopped when their eyes caught sight of a twenty-year-old wearing a faded paint smock, green tank top, and capris. For a moment, they looked like they were staring at a ghost before they shrugged it off and the woman Sango stepped forward, the man Miroku keeping a safe distance from both females. With a troubled sigh, Kagome stood up, eager to face whatever music they'd give her.

"Tell me, did he scream like a girl on the way down? … Wait, he handled it like a man, then? Dear Buddha above, that stinks. Do you know his condition? … Not able to walk? … Well, I suppose I won that bet al— Ah, Sango, have mercy…!"

"He didn't bother you too much, did he? He's such a freaking player; sorry, we went out drinking, and he's not all that bright to begin with… He _did _hit on you? That freaking— Oh, wait; did you just say you thought he was a _rapist_?"

The painter supposed the music they were giving her wasn't the expected heavy metal, but more like…country? Instrumental? _Praising._ Kagome had to admit, these two were a very interesting pair indeed…

With introductions out of the way, Kagome figured she better ask her question now before they actually got angry over their friend's injuries. "Is there anything I can do?" she asked them worriedly, scratching at her own fingernails.

Sango and Miroku exchanged a glance before Miroku laughed and Sango stomped on his foot. As the Houshi man jumped around, cradling his foot, the Taijiya woman insisted brightly, "Don't worry 'bout him, Higurashi-san. If anything, you're the victim here." At Kagome's confused look, she merely murmured, "You'll understand once he wakes up."

* * *

_This commercial break is  
brought to you by the color __**GREEN**__, _  
_which stands for the following:_

Nature, environment, healthy,  
good luck, renewal, youth, vigor,  
spring, generosity, fertility, jealousy,  
inexperience, envy, misfortune.

_**GREEN **__is not for everyone.  
Please consult your doctor before use.  
See if __**GREEN **__is right for you today!_

_Onward, and back to the story!_

* * *

_**(Inuyasha POV)**_

_Mmm… Kagome…_

"Is he waking up?"

_You give me that coffee…_

"Inuyasha, are you awake?"

_You're my new secretary? That's sexy…_

"Inuyasha?"

_Now let me just how your "work"_ _is doing—_

"INUYASHA!"

"MOTHER OF ALL MUTTS!" I blink, suddenly realizing that my dream's gone and I'm in a white room.

_Uh…_

"We're not at work or the apartment, are we?" I ask Sango. She's sitting at my left, Miroku's by the door, but where's…?

Ah. Tonight's coming back to me.

Shit, did I get wasted or what?

My brain throbs—maybe the bitch is doing a tap-dance, I don't fucking know—and I groan. That causes someone to yawn to my right, and I turn to see—

HALLELUJAH!

_Kagome's _here!

Why do I have the urge to go sing in the rain?

Is that copyrighted, by any chance, 'cause I will _use _that shit, no joke.

"Oh, Higurashi-san's waking up," Miroku comments, and I finally notice he and Sango are still in the same clothes from yesterday. Oh, fuck me; my first thought is,

_Miroku really needs to stop wearing black. He comes across as a rapist._

Shit, I need to stop shopping with Mom and Saki.

Wait… Rapist…

_My angel _thought I was a _RAPIST?_

What the fuck? How does someone even _draw _that conclusion?

What the fuck does it mean to "draw" a "conclusion"? What am I speaking? _French?_

Oh, the French. You gotta love the French. So much tea, coffee, and pastries… Or is that the British? Gods, I don't know, but the French have the hottest babes.

I would know. I've fucked about eighteen of them.

Wait, rewind—I _don't _go shopping with my mom and Sess's. I swear I don't. I just carry the bags…and take their advice…and occasionally give opinions and discuss the latest trends—

_FUCK!_

I'm turning into a chick!

"Sango!" I yell, making Kagome jump in her seat. I could drool at the sight of her widened eyes and sexy figure in that messy apron-thing she's wearing, but right now, I need my coffee. I need my coffee after sex, I need it even more after bad sex, and I need it the most when there was no sex. I need it the most right now, and hopefully, will find a way to subdue my hard-on at the sight of a certain angel. Oh, and at that,

Coffee's manly. I _need _something manly right now.

But not in a gay way. _Never _in a gay way.

Though I know men can't resist this shit.

Feh, I kick ass.

As if reading my mind, Sango slaps my leg—why my leg, I don't know—and I hiss a little at the pain it brings.

Wait, why the fuck am I wearing casts?

I stare at my right leg, the one closest to Kagome, that's in a sling hanging from the ceiling, and my left arm that's currently being mummified. Oh, and my chest is wrapped up…

…?

What in the _hells _happened?

I look like I walked into a supermarket having a half-off sale and barely made it out alive.

Supermarkets… What _do _those things sell, anyways?

"Inuyasha?" I turn to Sango, who's holding three coffee mugs; one in each hand and one in her lap. "Your coffee."

I whimper at the sight, grabbing it with my good hand before sipping some. I try to sit up, but when my stomach hurts, I realize what a total fail that is and decide to set it down on my belly, which doesn't hurt _as _much.

But I'm as hungry as fuck.

"Jelly doughnuts?" Miroku offers, and I automatically reach for them, ignoring the dryness of my throat. Fucking Kami, why is it so dry? I just had my damned coffee, and it feels like I'm eating hair.

Eck. Mental image not needed.

Miroku keeps them at a distance, laughing as I struggle to reach them. Sango scolds him, Kagome just watches, and I suddenly realize what a wimpy bitch I look like right now, whining and uselessly trying to get jelly doughnuts.

But coffee and jelly doughnuts are _god_.

Wait… _I'M _god.

Bitch got served.

Smirking at that thought, I reach for them once more before they disappear, Miroku whines, and I turn to Kagome, who's now holding a doughnut box. She scoots her chair closer, and honestly, I'm liking her being close. She glares at Miroku before handing me a doughnut. I consider flirting with her—you know, graze our fingers, accidentally (and hopefully) throw it down her shirt, which doesn't work that often, or eat it in a sexy way—before I decide, fuck it, I'm hungry, and this bitch has food.

I WILL EAT THE GODS-DAMNED FOOD.

While I stuff my face, Miroku comments, "Inuyasha: a man of many words."

I look at him weird. Compliment, or insult? Buddha, I don't get it!

Sango elbows him and Kagome throws another glare. Sango then pushes Miroku out of the room, yelling his ears off. I decide this time is the right time to flirt.

I turn to Kagome and smile. I think her eyes actually_ sparkle _as she grins back. And when I open my mouth—

No words come out.

I don't know why, but the moment she just smiled, I blanked out. "Uh…" Think of something cool, think of something cool… "You're hot?"

The glare that follows is even worse than the one Miroku got.

Maybe I shouldn't have put that as a question. Maybe she's a psycho-bitch. Or, maybe, damn it all, _maybe _she doesn't like flirting.

Keh, AS IF!

Before I can say anything, though, she speaks up, wiping away the glare with a smile that I can't help but return. "So," she murmurs, and I nearly faint at that fucking sexy purr of a voice. Really; last night, it was kind of blurry, but right now, it's just downright heart-stopping.

Not that anything stops me.

Feh.

"Your company's interested in my painting?" Kagome asks, smile never fading. I merely nod, just realizing a fucking _angel _is in my presence. I mean, HOLY— "I have to say, I didn't see that coming, like, at all. I've painted since I was a little kid, and to think someone's interested in my work…" She shakes her head, those vixen locks tumbling all over. Then her eyes open and she smiles at me again. I don't know why the fuck my stomach jumps, but I smirk back. "I wanted to thank you and your father for considering me. I didn't really expect our first meeting to be like last night, though…" Her face turns an adorable—wait, fuck, did I just say "adorable"?

Oh, well.

Point is, she blushes, and thinking I've caused that, I feel pretty good. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you were my agent… In all honesty, I didn't even know you'd be coming anytime soon. And then you were drunk and started calling me Kikyou, so I thought you were a rap—"

"Kikyou?" I mutter, and she blinks. Who the _fuck _is Kikyou?

"Yeah," she whispers, as if it's a secret. "You didn't call me Kagome until after you went down the stairs."

"I don't know a Kiky— Oh."

"Oh?" Kagome asks, confused. "What's 'oh' mean?"

Without thinking, I announce, "THAT'S THE BITCH I FUCKED THE OTHER NIGHT!"

It makes sense now! Crazy chick's name was Kikyou, and she stole my number—which I threw out the window—before I left her and we argued over the phone on my way to work yesterday.

But why the fuck would I get that whore confused with this angel, Kagome?

Wait, where's she going?

Holy shit! She's _leaving _without _my _permission?

I struggle to get up, swinging my body some. Despite her looking disgusted and totally pissed off, I need to go after her, convince her to stay, so I can seduce her, even with casts on. "Kagome—"

When I swing my lower half off of the bed and from the sling—which we all know my lower-half is chiseled and irresistible, not including the package that makes it FUCKING AWESOME—I kind of don't sit up straight.

And my head meets the table beside the bed.

And after my nose cracks and blood pours out, Kagome comes to my side and cries. Even though I should be happy she's crying over me—fuck, that she's _cradling _me—I realize I'm not happy.

And, suddenly, I don't feel too good about myself.

Oh, and my doctor comes in and freaks out. Luckily, she helps me out, and for a moment, I actually _consider _thanking her before I decide she could've done a better job and I shrug the thought from my mind. I do decide, though, that I'll give her a tip or whatever since Kagome's thanking her and looks grateful.

A while later, I lie down on the white bed again, but this time, my face is wrapped up.

Or more specifically, my nose.

It's official: I can't seduce Kagome like this. Fuck, I can't even move my _hips_ without crying. Keh, men don't cry, but motherfucking _Inuyasha_ knows the ladies like sensitivity, and apparently, crying shows that.

"I'm so sorry!" Kagome goes on for the billionth time as Miroku leaves again, Sango dragging him by his ear, as he laughs his ass off and Sango looks about ready to crack.

I don't understand why in the hells my pain is funny. Stupid idiots. I should fire them, I know I should, but…

Dammit, who knows what'd make Kagome cry.

Wait, why do I care? FEH, I DON'T. I just don't wanna deal with a crying bitch. 'Cause Kagome has told everyone that for the week I'm in the hospital, she'll be my own personal nurse. (I don't think she _wants _to, but what the hell?) Nurse as in, she'll stay by my side for the week and keep me company as I heal. Miroku said she's doing it out of guilt, Kagome almost cried at that, and Sango used the needle from my arm—which hurts to pull out, damn her!—to stab Miroku's chest, making him go to sleep on the floor.

At least, I think he's asleep.

Kagome leaves shortly afterwards, and it's not until she does that I realize she's barely spoken to me. But, oh well, 'cause there's something more important I thought about: _her _with _me _for an _entire week_. Only one thing still needs to be said:

Jackpot.

Though I really don't know what Jack's pot has to do with this. Smoking? No thank you. It's bad publi-farm.

I seriously need to look up that up in the fucking dictionary.

Wait—_dick-shin-nary. _Keh, that's awesome.

But it can't out-awesome Taisho motherfucking _Inuyasha!_

Shit, I gotta pee. Damned coffee.

* * *

**A/N: **Yep. Inuyasha's an idiot. Next, _Lesson #4: Creativity Comes in the Art of Seduction. _Review if you wish. ^.^


	4. Important AN: I'm not quitting

**This is a very important author's note. **I'm posting this to all my ongoing stories that haven't been updated for about a year now, and I suggest you don't ignore it.

I haven't updated in forever; I'm well-aware of this, but unlike most authors, I'm adamant against using A/N chapters in stories - I hate them with a passion, which is why I only use my profile to say I'm busy and so and so and will not be updating anytime soon. My procrastination habits are hard to overcome, but to be honest, overall this past year, I've gotten lazy, and I'm sorry. However, one reviewer as of recently thought the section on my profile stating my withdrawal from fanfiction was permanent, that I'd never go back to it. Or maybe he/she thought I was going to be like another popular author, KeiChanz (who's one of my faves, by the way), and rarely update. He/she suggested I either cancel my stories or hand them off to others, but you know what?

Fuck that. I'm not letting someone else continue my stories, and I'm sure as hell not going to cancel them and make you go "Y U NO FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED?" I am finishing these, but due to the changes in my life, on my own time. I'm a determined person who starts new projects with admirable gusto, and then leaves them to rot. I don't want to do that to you, though - and I figured since me not informing you of this bothered the reader so much, I'd better just tell you about it now rather than wait for you to wander to my profile. It goes against my beliefs of not using A/Ns as chapters, making me a hypocrite, but seriously - if it bothers the reader that much, I'm here to tell you right now, wait for me if you can. I'm deeply sorry for not being able to work on these every day or write with passion like I used to, but I'm trying to undergo a deeper self-discovery.

Through writing, I escaped my life and remained evasive to my problems - and now, without it, I will face things head on; I will become the person I want to be. And I still write - just random things, like poems, or little vignettes of my time with others. But if I continue to make fanfiction the center of my life, I will never live and be happy. I will eventually balance things out to where I want be with those I care for constantly and be able to involve myself in another world and write, but for right now, I need a big break from FFN. One where I don't reply to messages or reviews and I get out there and live the one life I have.

I will never quit fanfiction. It's fun, it's helped me out of a deep depression, and it's assisted me in discovering who I am. I've made a lot of friends and found out new things, and I will never quit it. I will update, I will finish my current stories, and guess what? I _will _post new stories as well. However, I'm focusing on getting a life right now because I'm in high school, have been single my whole life, and added to this, have much to experience. I want to live, love, and learn to make writing my passion, not my unnoticeable escape. But seriously - I won't quit. Whether I be a modern-day nomad or living with my husband when I'm older, I'll still be on here, still talking to you and learning more. For more information on my writing and updating, you can always check out my profile, but really?

I'm tired of running. I want to live my life. And, when my life gets to where I want it to be, updates will become more frequent instead of every few months. Wouldn't that be beautiful? Oh, and I apologize again for not updating, but understand that my overall happiness is at stake here. Writing isn't my main focus in life - teaching is now - but I plan to still do it since it's always been an outlet for me. I'm just trying to stop escaping my life by making writing my main focus, you know? If you don't like this new occurrence and want to punch me in the face for this false update (I would), I understand. If you're the same as the last sentence, but are still willing to give me yet another chance to redeem myself, much thanks.

Remember: I will never quit. Quitting is for pussies, which I am not, and to become a stronger person, I need to stick with what I start. I'm not mad at this reviewer - this was rather eye-opening - but to say the least, I feel like the shittiest person alive for all I've done to my dedicated readers and the people in my life. I've been selfish; it's unforgivable, but I will still always apologize. Thank you for reading, and I hope you don't mind waiting. (You probably will, but that's what your father's rifle is for.)

Sincerely, purduepup - aka, Morgan Williams


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